New Blog Location
Mood:  a-ok
For those of you who are faithful readers of my blog, I have decided to start one on a site that will actually load for you. It also has photos that I will update as events pop up.

Here's where it is...

Sam's Journey Continued...

Please save it to your favorites and leave a few comments for me if you would like to.

The Beautiful Body of Christ
Mood:  incredulous
Incredulous.... what a fantastic word to describe my feelings today. When you pursue truth, there are times that you find things that you wish you never had seen. Today was one of those days.

This morning I typed the word "Jesus" into my internet browser just to see how many millions of entries would come up. I found a blog by a guy who considered Jesus a republican. I was very sickened by the things that I read on this site. None of which I will repeat here.

Next, I scrolled to another site who title alone horrified me and almost made me vomit when I opened it. It was called Jesus dress up. The premise of this site was to dress up a picture of Jesus hanging on a cross. You could make him look like Frankenstein, a fairy, a farmer or anything else you wanted to.

I am SOOO naive. That may even be an understatement. I am incredulous that someone could treat him that way! My heart is just crushed! I am now being awakened to the world and I don't like it. I want to escape from that and I can't. They really do not know what they are doing....

Daddy.... Jesus!! Please help me to forgive these people for what they have done to your body! Show me how to love them the way that you do. You died for them and they don't realize how great your love is for them! Please come to these people. Don't leave them the way that they are! Help us, Daddy! Please forgive us for the awful things that we do to your body! I'm so sorry....

A Tragic Loss...
Mood:  sad
Topic: Religion
I was sent an email from someone I know who has been preaching amongst the masses in the southern states. In this email he included a letter from someone who was a practicing pagan. Unfortunately, in my naive "churched" background I have been taught that this term "pagan" simply means someone who is not a Christian. No, it refers to those who practice witchcraft.

This letter this pagan woman wrote grieved the loss of New Orlean culture where the dead and the living were celebrated together. She grieved the loss of the Voodoo heritage and all that came with it. To this letter I reply, "Father, your judgements are just and true."

The part that had the most impact on me was clicking on her website - because I didn't realize that Paganism was witchcraft yet - and discovering that some things this woman hated were tv evangelists, hypocrites, liars and thieves. How interested and sad that she has grouped evangelists with the rest... We are lazy Christians who believe in our God less than the world believes in theirs! We say we believe with our mouth, but in our hearts we "know" that nothing will happen. While on the outside of our church, there are people like this woman. People who are tangibly experiencing the spirit world and LOVING it because it is what they have always wanted. They knew there was another realm, but what they don't know is that they have stumbled upon the wrong one. It's not good. It's not glorious. It is filled with torment and masqerades as a kingdom of light! Yet, we as Christians have done nothing to share the truth with these people. We don't really believe that spirits hover around us. We don't really BELIEVE what is coming out of our mouths!

I am so grieved over this this morning... Daddy, I repent for making witchcraft look better to the world than your power and might. I repent for being lazy and not pursuing you the way that I should. I repent for my unbelief in your abilities, for speaking things that I never believed would happen. Today I realize what a grievous error this has been! Today, judge me! Your judgements are right. Purify me so that I may be a vessel worthy of your use. Let me say the words "I love you" and feel the very breath in me be stolen away because I know that I mean it. Help me to fight off complacency and apathy for the things of the spirit. I can't do this alone...

FIRE IN THE HOLE!!
Mood:  accident prone
Now Playing: thankfully nothing as I have a slight headache...
Yesterday was quite a day for Kristen and myself. We both had to get up early to get ready for work (we are rarely up at the same time!) and my blow dryer decided to blow the fuse in my bathroom. No biggie, right? Well, first there were sparks. Then the electricity in the entire house went out. Kristen will tell you that she was innocent since she was in the shower, in the dark... I flipped the switch on the breaker box and a very bright blue light came out of my outlet. VERY SCARY!

Immediately, my mind flashed back to blowing Wayne's outlet with the same hair dryer and his maintenance man said that that kind of blow could cause a fire in the wall. A few hours later, I informed the maintenance man and he made a note of it. Evidently, he thought it was just a simple blown fuse so they did not bother to come check it out.

At 10:00 last night, Kristen went to turn on her bathroom light (all the lights had come back on except my bathroom light) and mine came on too. The weird thing was that my light was off and now both of the lights were burning very dimly. We were a little concerned as our apartments are prone to fires. I called my mom who suggested that we call the maintenance men and tell them to come over or she was going to call the police and the fire dept. to come check it out.

Kristen was kind of ticked about the whole deal so I had her call instead. The last time I did it I got the nasty maintenance man who insisted my problem was NOT an emergency... Anyway, Kristen ranted for a minute on the voice mail, told them to call her back and then "tossed" the phone onto the recliner. As she did, she realized that she had not left her phone number on the message and had to call back.

It turns out the maintenance on call that night was Cory, who turned out to be an incredibly funny guy (not bad looking either!) who found it humorous that I had burned 3 of the wires in my outlet in HALF! I found that pretty impressive myself, but unfortunately, he could only fix the wiring last night and not the fuse so I still had to get ready in the dark this morning. At least we didn't have a fire...

The moral of this story is that I need to come to a place of peace with my curly hair. That way I do not have to blow a fuse by trying to use an overly high-powered blow dryer to straighten it every morning....

The Light Has Come!
Mood:  happy
I love revelations from God about who He is!

My last entry was so downhearted and discouraged. It was brought to my attention that maybe my feelings of emotionlessness (not sure if that's a word!) were actually the feelings of balance that I have been pursuing all along! The anger that was arising in me over the past few days was actually my old me attempting to resurrect itself and rain on my parade. This was a challenging thought for me as I don't think I have ever known in my life what true balance is.

Today, a lot of my thoughts have been going back to relationship with God. Every single thing that I do has to do with my relationship with Him. The habits that I have, the way I handle my money, relationships and time... All of these things can be traced back to my relationship with Him. That can be pretty scary some days! When we begin to see ourselves as simple managers of His stuff, life begins to take on new meaning.

I can no longer spend my money the way that I desire to do it. By nature, God is a Giver. I must manage money according to His guidelines in the scriptures and be a wise and faithful steward of His possessions. My relationships are really no longer mine either. The people I love were bought at a price (as was I) and they belong to Him - not me. That kind of blows away the co-dependency that often tends to plague me! Then there is my time... "Religion that God finds pure and faultless is this: To look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." James 1:27 That verse alone tells me what it is that God desires me to be doing with my time.

I had a vision a few Sundays ago of the death of Christ. I was seeking a deeper revelation about this, when I saw the temple veil torn in two. Usually this is when most pastors will say that Christ prepared the way for us to come boldly before His throne. What they don't say is that Christ also opened the door wide for God to finally reach us! There are so many verses in the Old Testament where He says that He is pursuing His people. That He has loved them with an everlasting love. Well, now Christ has opened the door for Him to commune with us - AND for us to commune with Him! What a beautiful picture! He has been longing for us this whole time! "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart..." Jeremiah 29:11

The Emotions Arise
Mood:  irritated
Wow. I feel like I am on drugs sometimes and right now is one. I wish I could stop this roller coaster!

I have struggled for about a week now with being emotionless about everything. Tonight there are feelings beginning to rise in me that are deeply angry. I know that anger is a larger version of fear and hurt. I have lived my whole life telling people that I do not get angry. I think in lying to myself, I closed off my heart to those emotions and the real me. I hurt tonight. I hurt at levels I didn't even know existed.

I am also terrified of where I am in my life right now. I want OUT! I want to get off the ride and do something else, but I can't. Even though it is completely my choice to do whatever I want - inside of me is a deeper cry. One that breaks the heart of lovers. One that causes a mom or dad to lay down their life for their child. I don't know how to enter into that cry, but I know that I have to in order to escape this madness that I am living in.

Oh, Jesus! Lover of my heart! I need you! I need you to walk me into that room. That place where all the pain lies buried. Expose it tonight in me, Lord Jesus! Lead me into a place of deep repentence and extravagant love. I NEED YOU...

The Past
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: a million and eight thoughts in my head
Tonight I have really struggled with laying down past relationships. In my earlier cries for boldness and realness I have come to realize that I am practically emotionless right now about everything. It is completely foreign to me to be void of all emotions completely.

I know that I cannot begin to enter into a deep relationship with God unless I address this part of my life that I seem to continually have turmoil in. I also realize that I must somehow learn to let go of a man whom I loved deeply, but who has no desire to share his life with me anymore. Somehow, something inside of me continues to say that it is not finished yet. What does this mean?

Jesus, I long to know you more intimately. The best way to do that is to spend time with you. Show me how to let go of people and to pursue you with my entire being. I need you to be my only passion. Please lead me as I walk through this next hallway of my heart. Enable me to see things about myself that I have never been willing to see before. Cause that seed of love that I asked you to plant long ago in my heart to grow and flourish. I want to love you more.

Predictable or Pliable?
Now Playing: Awesome God by Rich Mullins
Topic: Religion
Today I was posed the question "Are we predictable or pliable?" when it comes to things of God. In church I often catch myself asking those questions when I am in the middle of worship. Is what I am doing truly honoring God or is it just distracting me from the main goal?

I have been so naive when it comes to things like this. Most of my life I have had little discernment and now it seems to be coming by the bucket loads. My heart aches for a "real" relationship with God. I don't want something that merely appears to be real on the outside, but something that is truly an overflow of my heart. When He moves, I should be stirred inside. Something should awaken or come alive. But then what?

In our churches, so often we get caught in routine. We are so afraid that if we become spontaneous during church that we will be creating an atmosphere of chaos. Maybe so, but what happens if we become spontaneous when the Spirit leads? When we allow Him to move in and among us as we worship Him. I think that is the time that we become pliable and moldable in His hands. We are available to be fully used by Him in a way that brings Him the most glory.

It's time to break the religious yokes that bind our hearts. It is time to know the true freedom that Christ longs for us to know. A relationship that is formed from love instead of "have-tos". Oh, Jesus! Remove all barriers of religion from my life! Allow me to have a discerning spirit and a heart that desires to know your heart more fully. Please remove the veils that blind my eyes from seeing you as you really are. I love you....

The Cost Of Following Christ
Mood:  bright
Topic: Luke 14:26-27
"If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father or mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters - yes, even his own life - he cannot be my disciple. And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple. Luke 14:26-27

I read this passage yesterday morning and it has really been churning in my spirit ever since. I want to be a disciple of Christ more than anything else - yes, even above getting married! Unfortunately, in America, we don't see that many examples of people being willing to lay their lives down for their faith. I have resorted to reading stories about people who have been martyred for what they believed. They were so passionate about God's word that had been placed in them that nothing could hinder them from preaching the gospel - not even death. "They overcame because of the blood of the Lamb, the word of their testimony and not loving their own lives unto death."

Our pastor called those out of our church who felt like they had a call on their life to preach the gospel. I had to go forward. I have only a few true regrets in life and all of them came from knowing that I was supposed to share what was in my heart and I didn't. I can tell you the exact people and where I met them. Yesterday, as I stepped out, I was making a decision to make my call and election sure. I know that there is a drive in me to tell others about Christ. My boldness has been quenched in the past, but I know that yesterday it was being stirred up again. The Spirit dwells in me and all that I need to conquer the world for Christ, I already possess. Now I have to be faithful.

I realize that my cost for being his disciple may be remaining single. For me, this is HUGE. However, I know that I want Christ to be my one passion and if that is what I have to do to stay close to Him, then I will be willing to lay it down. It is SO worth it! For now, my cost is a simply a daily surrendering of myself. Everything that I have is His.

As I step out to release what He has given to me, I pray that it will fall on rich soil that will absorb the truth and be changed forever.

Red Sea Crossing
Mood:  on fire
The other day I received a fantastic link about the parting of the Red Sea. Archaeologists have discovered the path that the Israelites walked across! I encourage you to check out the site if you get a chance to. There are some interesting stories on it! For those of you who are "snopes" fans, this one is legitimate!

Red Sea Crossing